Diary of a Bad Mother

I am definitely wondering if I’ll be able to cope with 2. If I’ll be able to love the new one as much as the first. For some bizarre reason I feel like the only person ever to have 2 kids. Ridiculous I know! But I’m not exactly the earth mother maternal type, I wasn’t put on the earth to do nothing but have babies…I need something else in my life as well.

Having said that love being a mother, got a 17 monther called Oscar. And no 2 coming any minute. And right now I’m thinking get the bugger out, I am so uncomfortable and have totally given up doing anything unless I absolutely have to. Looking back 5 years to when I bought my little flat, I didn’t think I’d ever want to move again, I had found the most gorgeous place to live and couldn’t be happier. But now the living in a flat on the first floor is a total hassle and am beginning to hate it! Heaving my arse up the 32 stairs (and yes I count each and every one each and every time…) is hard enough, let alone heaving Oscar up and the shopping…oh, and another baby.

So a few more whinges – not sleeping, need to pee all the time as my pathetic sized bladder can’t take more than a thimble before I have to haul my whalelike body out of bed and waddle to the bathroom. DULL! Not sure whether the fact that Oscar is only just walking and therefore pretty c**p at it is a good thing or a bad thing as he needs constant picking up and carrying or saving the feral child from whatever trouble he is about to get in.

Back hurts like fury, a constant dull ache which nothing short of misery. Don’t remember this from last time, but then I guess I didn’t have a needy 1 year old. Clever how you don’t remember the bad stuff or I guess you wouldn’t do it again.

Booked in now to have the C section (had a bunch of back operations and general screwing together so natural labour not an option!), and think it’s harder 2nd time round as you know what to expect – and I didn’t enjoy the first experience very much! Felt sick as a dog and didn’t appreciate all the belly rummaging that is involved. Although I realise I’m cheating and don’t have to push out the proverbial watermelon in the first place…but it’s weird knowing you are awake and they take a knife to your belly! It’s not exactly “nature's way” is it…

Posted by Bad Mother on September 13, 2007 at 17:09PM

back to blog index