Maybe Baby Blog

Negative

I didn't get drunk. Not because we had good news though. Unfortunately is just wasn't meant to be for us this time. I went into the whole process knowing that there was only about a one in four chance of us getting pregnant, but even though you know that the odds are stacked against you, you can't help being a little too hopeful for your own good.

Deep down I knew it would be bad news before we got the call from the hospital. I had what I hoped was a bit of implantation spotting in the morning. I kept telling myself not to worry; that it was just one of the embryos making themselves at home. 

I collected Sid from the airport at lunchtime and I kept telling myself that it wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't pregnant. At least we were together (I hadn't seen him for a couple of weeks) and I could drown my sorrows after not having a drink for a month. 
But it was awful. It hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks. I was as calm as you like with the lovely nurse who delivered the news, but as soon as I'd put the phone down I cried like it was the end of the world. Because for a few minutes at least, that's just how it felt. 

Sid was amazing. He just held me until I'd cried it all out, poured me a stiff drink and told me everything would be alright. I felt desperate and guilty - was it something I did wrong? But I honestly don't think I could have done anything more to make it happen. It just wasn't meant to be this time. 

Like my Mum said, no matter how hard you try to do things right nature still has her way, and for reasons we will never know this baby just wasn't meant to be born.

So it's back to the drawing board. We've got a review booked with the hospital to plan our next step and until then it's back to trying the old fashioned way. Could be worse!

Posted by Maybe Baby on March 06, 2008 at 16:12PM

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