Maybe Baby Blog

Am I Or Aren't I?

It’s been twelve days since the embryos were let loose inside me and tomorrow is the day we find out whether or not they’ve made themselves at home.  

It’s been a hormonally challenged couple of weeks. I spent the first few days in bed, as advised by the “How to get Pregnant” books. I cannot tell a lie, that wasn’t too much of a chore, relaxing and catching up on my Sky+ viewing. It felt like a high-tech version of hibernating for the winter.  

Friends and family were brilliant; calling to make sure I had everything I needed. I’d only told a few people close to me, including some friends from work. It was a big decision telling my family, mainly because I didn’t want them to get their hopes up too much. But I’m so glad I did because it was great to have someone to share things with. And my Mum and sister have been so lovely and supportive about everything. I love emergency flapjacks!

I always thought it was a cliché that when you really want to be pregnant everything around you seems to be about babies – but then I suppose that’s how a cliché becomes a cliché. Ever since I started the treatment I have been bombarded with babies and pregnant woman from all angles.  

In the press – how caffeine can contribute to miscarriages and how maternity units are overstretched. On TV – the episode of Friends I came across one day just happened to be the one where Phoebe has IVF for her brother. (For those of you who’ve seen it - you can’t tell you’re in the club that quickly). Celebs announcing they’re pregnancies, other denying rumours even as the bumps begin to show. It was everywhere!

Sometimes I felt like it was a good omen, other times like it was a jinx. That’s hormones for you. Every little feeling in your body is magnified – a sign that you are or are not pregnant. No matter how level-headed you are, you can’t help it.

You’re stuck between a rock and a hard place. You yearn to be pregnant with every fibre of your being and you can’t help wishing it to be true. At the same time you don’t want to get you’re hopes up because you know that there’s only a one in four chance of success. But you could be lucky and if you don’t visualise the baby growing inside you it might not happen.  

And so it goes on, round and round in you head. Until the day of your blood test when all is revealed.  

By tomorrow afternoon we’ll know either way. By the evening I’ll either be over the moon or under the table.

Posted by Maybe Baby on February 19, 2008 at 13:54PM

back to blog index